These are the same steps our staff use when they help someone. "They" means the person who needs help: you, or someone you are helping. Go in order, and call ahead when you can.
1Choose a calm time
Ask whether everyone feels safe discussing money. If someone uses money to threaten, control or monitor you, seek confidential help rather than starting a joint budget that could increase danger. Search the help directory for domestic violence assistance.
2List only the shared costs
Write housing, utilities, food and other agreed expenses. Decide what stays personal. You do not have to combine accounts or reveal passwords to make a shared plan.
3Agree on contributions
Example: A $300 shared cost could be split $150 each or another way everyone freely agrees to. Write amounts, payment dates and who actually sends the bill payment. Do not assume a verbal agreement changes a lease or loan obligation.
4Plan for a short week
Agree how to tell the others before a payment is missed. Choose an amount above which a shared purchase needs discussion. Keep a small personal amount when the budget allows.
5Write and review
Today: Agree on one bill and one check-in date. Avoid blame; discuss the numbers and what each person can realistically do.
6Make the agreement specific
For each shared bill, write amount, contribution from each person, who sends payment and when proof is shared. Example: if a $90 utility bill is split $60 and $30, confirm that the full $90 is paid once.
Agree what happens when the amount changes or one person's pay is late. Keep personal spending and shared spending separate enough that neither person has to explain every private purchase.
7Check legal and account obligations before changing them
An agreement between housemates does not by itself remove a name from a lease, loan or joint account. Ask the landlord, lender or institution what is required. Do not sign for debt you do not understand to keep the peace.
You can use a shared bill list without sharing banking passwords. Ask how a proposed joint account works, including access to funds, before opening one.
8If talking about money could put you at risk
Use a safer device if someone monitors your phone or accounts. Do not confront a controlling person just because a worksheet suggests a household meeting. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers support at 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788; messaging charges may apply. It does not provide cash directly.
Financial-abuse information: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/financialabuse/. If there is immediate danger, call 911. Choose support and safety before a shared budgeting exercise.
9Sources and more help
Reviewed November 1, 2026. General money education; individual circumstances differ.
https://www.consumerfinance.gov/consumer-tools/educator-tool/your-money-your-goals/toolkit/
More help like this
Was scammed or had their identity stolenUse when someone lost money to a scam, someone used their name or card, or they are getting threatening calls about money.Needs help filing taxes or getting a tax refundUse when someone needs free help filing taxes, or may get money back from tax credits even with little or no income.Behind on debts, payday loans, or getting calls from debt collectorsUse when someone is overwhelmed by debt, has payday or title loans, or debt collectors are calling or suing.Federal checks went electronic: set up Direct Express or direct depositUse when someone gets Social Security, SSI, VA or another federal payment and still got paper checks, lost a check, or has no bank account. Since Sept 30, 2025 most federal payments must go to a bank account or a Direct Express card.Money basics: choose a starting pointStart here for budgets, bills, banking, saving and debt. No paid app or bank account is needed.Not enough money to get through the monthUse when food, medicine, housing or transportation money will run out before the next payment.
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This guide is general information only, not medical, legal or other professional advice. Places and rules change, so please call before you go. In an emergency, call 911; in a mental health crisis, call or text 988. Disclaimer
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Questions, or want someone to walk through this with you? The Silver City Gospel Mission, 111 S. Texas St., Silver City,
575-388-5071, weekdays 9:00am-1:45pm. Everyone is welcome.